- Build a nice pro-cool-looking-fancy-worded-(photo where you look handsome but not model looking handsome hoping the owner of the company hires you because they were horny when they saw your cv)-black-and-white (maybe some gold in it, cause gold is posh) CV? Done.
- Have enough experience to start being at someone’s service? Yup.
- Ready to take a minimum wage (higher than third-world countries but lower than a living wage in the first world developed country you live in) in exchange of lotta hours of your time? Definitely.
- Tired of the word freelancer and self-employed but you’re under a contract where you’re pretty much a puppet? Yeah.
Well, wake little bitch, or I’ll hire the dude that charges me below the minimum wage because he uses iMovie, TikTok, Luts and 100+ Transitions to create my ads. I mean, your Adobe experience takes way much more time.
Hello my cats and kittens, welcome to The Hunt! A world full of LinkedIn, Apply Now, “we receive a vast number of applications, so please be patient”, Test Edits, Sincerely, Kind regards and I believe I have a strong aptitude for developing relationships, and my worst quality is that I’m too perfectionist.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not complaining, my privileges of being able to share this are up the ceiling but, I like when ourselves, children playing grownups become these really formal suit and tie people ready to bend over or get our knees dirty for dat job position. So when somebody asks us what do we do for a living, our ego doesn’t have to suffer and say you work in hospitality after years of essays, A and B plusses, degrees and masters.
IT FEELS SO GOOD if your ass sits in an office or like we like it nowadays “from-hommmmme”, man that’s the life. You can have coffee, chilling, no customer rushing you they want some cappuccino or there’s vomit in the toilet. Honestly, if you have a job where you can have a black-americano while sitting in a comfortable Aston Synchronous Bonded Leather Manager Chair, and your golden retriever is outside playing with your blonde kid right next to your Range Rover. If your wife/husband plays with your alfa-male balls for a few minutes a day, then you’re done. You’ve passed all of the tests, and that CV I was talking about, that was a thing of the past. Well done mate.
PS: I’m a good guy deep down, I swear if you hire me you won’t regret it.